Oxford Dictionary

The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words:

Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other

 Lecture :
 An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either

Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.  

Compromise :
 The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.  

Classic :
A book which people praise, but do not read.

Etc.:
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee :
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.  

Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb :
An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher :
A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.  

Diplomat :
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Father :
A banker provided by nature.

Boss :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.  

Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bill.