Jokes

A very large woman walks into a department store and asks a salesman, "Do you have anything I could fit into?"

"Well," the man says, "I think I could fit you into that elevator."

---

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.

Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"

Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name.?"

---

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

---

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.

He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are you calling from?"

---

A blonde is complaining to her friend about the bad day she'd had at work. Her boss had suffered a heart attack and died.

Her friend said, "How horrible! What did you do?"

The blonde shook her head. "There was nothing I could do. He kept yelling at me to call 9-1-1, but he wouldn't tell me the rest of the numbers..."